An Understanding Southerns PSA

If you are in the South and were not born here, please read the following. It may be of some assistance to you at some point during your stay below the Mason Dixon line.

You might have already heard all about the various meanings of "Bless yo' heart" and remember it doesn't ALWAYS mean 'you're an idiot' because sometimes it is used to convey sympathy.  What you may not know is that  Southern saying is not the only one that can be used in various ways.

For instance,  when you hear a Southern woman say "Let me tell you something" you may have done overstepped that line, OR the woman actually has something she thinks you need to know. The key to knowing which situation you are in at the moment is really very simple.  It is all in HER attitude at the time those words leaves her lips.

If she simply wishes to share a new recipe or perhaps the latest gossip with you, she will more often than not be smiling when she says this.  Also, you will notice a distinct beginning and ending to at least most of the words in that sentence. In this case, saying, "OK" and settling in with that glass of sweet tea she has already offered you is perfectly safe and highly recommended.

However, if it comes across to you sounding more like one long word, you'd do well to hear what she is about to say next with the route to the nearest exit in mind if not in sight.  Likewise, if her hands are on her hips or, worse, if she says it while pointing at you especially if it appears as though her eyes are shooting daggers through your barely still beating heart, you have definitely entered into the 'Too late" zone.  In this case, your best line of defense is to SHUT UP, BACK UP, and hope she will take pity on your poor sorry butt.

And if that sentence is followed by "the best thing I know for you to do is..." then you can either do that best thing or hope there is enough left of you to be identified by your relatives.
I'll post more of these PSAs as the need arises. Please feel free to list more in the comment section.  Do a Yankee a favor..'splain some thangs. lol